I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
