just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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