non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
