Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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