I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I can't put those talents on a resume
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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