im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
