it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
