New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
