ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
