my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
