please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
