I want to make a zoo with you.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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