So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
