my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
