He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
