Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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