6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
