Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
