Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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