So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
