I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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