My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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