I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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