Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My feet surprised me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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