I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
