dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
