ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
