a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
