eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
