If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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