His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
