THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
