my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize