and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
