I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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