Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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