She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
