OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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