I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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