Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
