It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
