I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
