So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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