Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
