Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
