Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
wanna go halves on a baby?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
