Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Randomize
