yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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