You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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