we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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