yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
