She's never allowed to turn 21 again
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
