That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
