So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
