Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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