I hate all girls vehemently.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
