For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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