i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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